Last night I cried into my pillow.  I was talking to friends and I realized how alone I felt.  I’m surrounded by friends that love me to pieces, but I miss my family.  I miss the boy that broke my heart, I miss the idea of what we were building together.  As most of you probably know already, I’m single again.  I have been for almost 3 months already.  I wasn’t ready to shout it out to the world but I guess I have moved on to a new stage of what I call the “grieving process.”  I know I’m one of many people going through this at the moment and maybe some handle it better than others.  I am still angry and I haven’t forgiven him yet.  There was no cheating of any kind involved (it seems that the first question I get).  We both just knew it was time to take a different paths in our lives.  What upsets me is that we are destined to walk on separate paths for now or even for always as I don’t know what my future holds.  I have been spending a lot of time with friends and I have made new friends.  I have been taking classes and I have been going to the gym.  I have been enjoying my new job and all of the responsibilities I have as a maid of honor in a wedding.  A lot has changed in the last 3 months and although I miss him I have never been happier with my life and the path that I’m on.  I have learned just how strong I am and how much I can handle.  My new coworkers have told me that they would not be able to handle everything that I have endured, but I didn’t think I would either.  It is different when you’re the one living through something.  There are times when I feel like crawling under my bed and never coming out.  Then I look into the eyes of my beautiful baby girl and I realize that I need to be the woman I would want her to be if she was going through this.  I don’t know if this makes sense to everyone, but that’s ok.  You don’t need to understand, or judge or assume.  It is what it is, and all that matters is that I’m happy and I’m healthy.

I don’t know if he reads my blog anymore but incase he does:  I do miss you once in a while, but I’m happy and I am moving on.  I hope you are doing the same and I hope that nothing but blessings come your way.  You will always be a tenant in my house of love.